Saturday, 9 January 2016

He's online. Should I message him? Nahhhhh I don't want to be all clingy, but gosh I didn't speak to him today. I bet he's pissed.

I didn't get to finish my story though, the one with my 'close friend' and of course my ex-boyfriend. The fact that hurt me most was I never introduced her to him, she went all Kim Possible on me and searched hi up herself becoming quite close.

It didn't bother me at first but when they started dissing my parents 'together' I should of thought about it as a sign. Was he really for me? or did he actually play me? But he barely knew her. Like I said before they started talking after we started dating which was March 12 2015. The day I would never forget.

Him moving on didn't hurt me as much as my emotions did. Okayy, that came out wrong.


What I meant to say was that it didn't really get to me right away. After thinking at night how many problems I been in just to see or hear fro him messed me up, but there is a first time for everything right?

Which was even more embarrassing was that I was actually deciding if I would have intercourse with him. I know I know stupid me, but I didn't.

Thought about it again and I realized I was making a big  mistake. I was those girls that didn't believe in sex before marriage then tried to be the fool to go against my judgment.

Usually I was face palm myself right about now but I know what I should do. My boyfriend is online and we hadn't spoken all day so there was only one thing left..............

Starting simple and fresh, its not everyday you can clear your mind especially if your an immature teenager that is going to be 16 in a few days then sure, why not, humiliate yourself. Never once in my life I would of thought to end up in this position.




Yeah I sorta live in a judgmental world.

I've done things in my past I wish I could forget and run away from but unfortunately I cant. It comes back and haunts me to the point I want to rip my hair out. Psychotic? Nope not yet. Mentally stable? Probably.

Have a really close friend done something that can never be forgotten? At least I would say she was close. All this time I lied saying I was fine or it didn't bother me which quite frankly it did but it doesn't matter anymore, We were through. The thought of being in love with an American boy was my dream, he is from Chicago but we don't speak to each other anymore. Yeah my summer was crappier than I thought.

I always tried to get even, and by doing this I ignored my current boyfriend and gave him some crappy excuse which caused him to read my message without a reply.

Gosh I'm an awful person.